Oops. That is supposed to be 1st John, chapter ONE… verse? Seven.

1 John 1:7
… if we walk in the light AS HE is in the light,
    we have fellowship with one another…”

I quote just that much because of the statement of relativity between fellowship and walk.

Anyone can walk into a church. Mr. Joe Chainsaw, Betty the Grandma, Charles in Charge, Hippocrates… if he were alive…

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Obscurity

My wife and I have experienced substantial hurt, woe and dark TIMES. We are asked periodicly WHERE or IF we go to church. I do not know the motives of those who ask. I am significantly set BACK with medical conditions. People in my family- almost all profess “faith”- some have been clergy, volunteer, and yet, even though we live in the same city, the blood family does NOT keep up.

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     I am not visited in the hospital. I am there a lot. The person who does visit me is the one most ostercised for being a “sinner” and “NOT-saved”. I say she is a better person than me. I am “saved” enough. Sheesh! People I used to look up to now look to me… they see the light of freedom.

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Things are as they appear, more or less… and more…

The freedom is NOT in excluding the religious… it is in considering the religious and unreligious as human and therefore appropriate canidates to receive the love of Christ… or should I simply say that Life itself receives them?

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      Sure. I’ll stretch to condemn condemnation! Damm the damming. Damm the bite of guilt and open the gates of the POWER over the fear of death & dying,
   For,
This world, though it is shabby has a higher form. My lord (of my personal religion that has 110% application to my waking world), yes, my lord joined himself through that… cross to the void, took the material of all-space (including Myspace? Sure! Why not?…) and he is in the beauty of every day.

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    I had a massive store of bible knowledge in my head and discipline… theory on love and correction of self and misdeed going… then one Day, *BOOMAH!*….

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… those laws and precepts gave way to a powerful and vaguely familiar friend- “brotherly love” as could kill one to express its so dang beautiful… except THAT is a choice- to spend oneself… all too often religious leaders will martyr their congregants, ditch them, control them… worse- ABANDON them. In that abandonment is a perfect time for God to speak in REALITY.

     In reality, the sky is blue… most people are not depressed … very few like to be yelled at, underpaid. If you have a conscience toward God yet let a church or your family abuse you- you cannot love others as you do not respect yourself. I had churches making a parttime buffoon of me. I was codependant, but mainly?- I had an undiagnosed medical condition depressing me.

I rejected the mob of religious as they rejected me. Not unlike an ancient Judean fisherman who hates the company of a Pharisee perfectionist jerk. Hey… I dig the fellowship. I HAVE it. But its not for me to be in the DARK… go UNVISITED… listen to SLANDER … be a part of a system of neglect. I am not against religious service attendance. But I do so FIRST in my heart. I can feel my Orthodox brothers, Catholic sisters, the body of believers in Asia, Africa, Americas… and I wonder why it is so HARD to find a CONGREGATION in Oregon that meets in person where I have inquired by phone about a church, concerned as we are both very disabled my wife and I… and I sense we are a burden. People around us, religious or not- really, really want “normal people”. Its very, very difficult for us, in our forties, to make friends. It is like being in a lepor colony. Our family used us to take care of my MIL… they yelled at us as she was going downhill and died. The hardest thing in my life is not shuttling a hospice patient while ill, myself. Nope. The hardest thing is to forgive all the ass-jerks who yelled at my wife, the person who stole $100k+ from her DAD and continues to do so. Some say “fuck it.” Well, alright, but cussing everyday and calling people dick-fours isn’t really the healthiest. Detatchment from idiocy is salvation. Why is THAT not preached?

Maybe on an episode of COPS.
Hmm.

    Is this boring anyone? Okay, I won’t talk about it. I won’t talk about how the light enters my form and I drink it up… nor how I do not go to a church building often. I work as hard as I can anymore just to clear the bar that is so high to survive.

I am tired of being used. Drowned.

2014

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