In an interview with the top minds of  the people of Wherever, USA, these were the most reasonable answers I could find to the great stupid questions ever.

Why does anything exist at all?

Well, if nothing existed no one would be able to ask that question and then nobody would find out.

What came first- the chicken or the egg?

The egg. Eggs for breakfast. Chicken for dinner.

Why do animals eat their young?

Because THEIR parents pushed them to succeed where they failed.

Why is the sky blue?

Well look at Levi’s. Always in fashion.

If a tree falls in the forest, and noone is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

It cannot be proven that trees fall without witnesses. There may be many people who have witnessed a tree fall and kept it to themself. If they were deaf, now that’s another question. If the tree made a sound and landed on a person with great hearing and killed them, there is a likelihood the tree snuck up on him, so “yes”, sometimes trees make NO noise when they fall, due to the fact that cadavers have been found and their brains were posthumously examined to see if they were able to hear and think at the time of there death. It is reasonable to assume a certain number of trees have fallen silently because people get out of the way. Also, trees only fall silently in order to kill people, so “yes” trees make a sound when no one is around for squirrels to hear, but only since we’ve been deforesting them. So currently, “yes” it is verified they make a sound when falling in the absense of people.

Why do older people take off their glasses before bed?

Their prescription is running low.

Why does soda and donuts make people fat?

Because they don’t excercise. C’mon- really?

How can statistics measure the population in fractions, ie “the average houshold has 2.5 working people?”

That’s a great question. The average family has two working adults and an adult child who works part-time and needs to get a life.

How can I find a person who is telling the truth?

Find a total liar and listen to them backwards.

How do you get away with laughing at a funeral?

At your own, when you’re watching. Its inevitable, and don’t worry- no one can hear you.

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