The Grande Finale

    I have given my lawyer’s office charge to consult the St. Louis Institute of Fine Funerary Rites upon the death of my body. I will be taken by choo-choo train to St. Louis and on the uninhabited grounds of the shut-down Abercrombie Institute for the Criminally Insane 1888, I will be vivisected and by Dao Te Zen rite my innards will be separated into eight separate alabaster jars by the knife of chief ninjin sao rexium Zhu Lin or his son Lak Nun.

     I am to be shipped to North Congo on a private charter cruise on the great ship Argus where my body will be tattooed by Samoan master shaman Urdek Johansen posthumously. The alabaster jars will be stored in the underspace in hypercryo storage at 190° Kelvin. Once tattooed, the Dao Dao tribe of Zendor will powder my body with refined powder from the Argentian coca leaf.

      In Congo, I will be made tight and hard with Slappy Sap©, a new preservative that hardens in 60 seconds. The alabaster jars will have little windows to view my innards readily. My arms will be extended and hands and fingers formed to say “rock on”. I will be kept at the Bloo Revioo, a Nigerian rock nightclub, in a back room. I will be used as the “ded bodee surfer” and at concerts, my light body will be passed around.

    If the club closes, I am willed to Justin Beiber. If he won’t have me, I am to be taken out to the ocean above a deep ridge and sunk with weights.

The End

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